When Love Doesn't Turn Into Marriage

It only makes sense that I follow up the engagement ring entry with one about marriage.

In particular, I'd like to address an issue raised by these two comments that popped up on the last post:

Summer #61
"Well my Mum told me yesterday that she thinks that although my long term bf loves me, he will never propose. Apparently, he's 'just not that guy'. Lovely. So I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up. Problem is, I really believe in the concept of marriage. Rats"

Never a bride #69
"@ Summer #61 can totally relate... me and my man are very much in love and have talked about kids, although they are still a couple of years away yet. I want to be married before we have kids... he is adamant he is never getting married. Dilemma much? Every time another one of my friends get engaged I get jealous (as well as happy of course!) Lol, I think not knowing if it was going to happen is better than knowing it never will. And I don't want to force him to do it, I want him to want to do it. Any couples out there where one wanted to get married and the other didn't?"

This exchange between Summer and Never a Bride made me sad. With Summer, I can't help but feel perhaps she should talk to her boyfriend about this rather than assume her Mum has called it correctly. Then again, perhaps Summer knows her partner well enough to realise that her Mum is probably right?

With Never a bride, things sound decidedly grim. It's true that many women these days don't have any desire or see the point in marriage, and that's fine - but there are still many who do, and there's nothing wrong with that either. Along with Summer and Never a bride, I've always thought I'd like to get married one day and I can't pretend I wouldn't be disappointed if my boyfriend was completely against the idea.

So tell me, what happens when you fall in love with someone who doesn't share the same views on marriage?

It's a tricky one, there's no doubt about it. Marriage is obviously not something you should attempt to force someone into, and as Never a bride pointed out, if you do get hitched you want it to be because you are both really excited by the idea - not because one party was pressured into it.

That said, it seems stink to have to give up on the dream of getting married if it's something you truly want for your life.

If you really want to get married but your other half doesn't then you're in a tough position. The unfulfilled dream of being someone's wife (or husband) is the kind of thing that could hang heavily over your relationship for many years to come and you may well end up living a very disappointed life as a result. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun.

I don't have any answers today - I'm not even sure there are any answers to a dilemma like this. I don't envy anyone in this position and I'm keen to hear what you all think about this in the hope that Summer and Never a bride might find something useful in the discussion.

Source : http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/blogs/the-girls-guide/3956092/When-love-doesn-t-turn-into-marriage